The hotwife lifestyle appeals to many men and women of an open-minded nature who have a strong relationship and wish to explore beyond the horizons of traditional sexuality in regard to marriage and monogamy.
The hotwife lifestyle differs from polyamoury or an open marriage because it refers specifically to a man’s wife having one or more sexual partners outside the marriage while the man remains faithful to his wife.
On the face of it this seems unfair and biased in favor of women, but the truth is most women enter into the hotwife lifestyle at their husbands’ urging. It’s a very common fantasy for men to want to see their wives having sex with other men, and it has its root in evolutionary biology.
However we are not robots, and despite the undoubted attraction of the lifestyle to many men (and women, once they’ve been persuaded to give it a try) there are more than enough stories of how the hotwife lifestyle has ended in disaster for us to conclude it does pose some very real emotional traps and pitfalls.
So if you are thinking about taking your first tentative steps into the hotwife lifestyle, here are three simple tips beginners will perhaps find useful in avoiding some of the bigger problems.
First, your man needs to feel emotionally secure. Once the bucking, heaving and writhing is done, you’ll be kissing and cuddling your lover. That’s natural. But if your husband is present (or imagines it if he’s not — he’s not stupid), then it’s going to play on his emotions.
So she must remember he’ll need reassurance and reaffirmation after she’s done the deed — and after every time she’s done it.
Second, open and honest communication is paramount. One problem couples often face is when the women goes off and makes love to another man, she, for whatever reason, is reluctant to talk about it — shyness, misplaced guilt, whatever.
But this is not how most men want it. If they’re not actually present watching, the overwhelming likelihood is they’ll want to make love to their wives the minute they walk back in the door while she’s telling him in exquisite detail about every last little detail, leaving nothing out.
She can’t have her cake and eat it, and expect her man to be happy about it.
And third, everyone is different. What’s more every dynamic between different individuals is different. What this means in the hotwife lifestyle is the thing she does with you, her husband, are going to be different from the thing she does with her lover.
She might like things you don’t, but he does. He might be taller than you so can do different things. Maybe he’s a bigger, or loves different positions.
The point is you can’t realistically expect her to do exactly the same with you she does with him. It’s not a judgement of your worth as a lover — it’s just how things are sometimes.
Remember: the hotwife lifestyle is supposed to be fun and beneficial to your marriage. So don’t get all wound up about irrelevant details and let it ruin your fun.